Daughter. Sister. Friend.
Student. Girlfriend. Lawyer.
Wife. Entrepreneur. Author.
When I became a mom, my entire world changed. Of course it did. There’s no way it could ever be the same as it was before. What I never really expected was how, anything and everything I had ever done before, would all of a sudden be usurped by one word: MOM.
I’ve always been motivated by money. What I mean is that I’ve always wanted to earn money doing something that I do well. I want to help. I want to serve. And, if you read the prior post you’ll see that a big part of my desire to serve was a desire to fix.
I’ve always wanted to accomplish things, big things. Save the world kind of things. First woman in the NBA kind of things. (Yes, this was an actual dream of mine.) You know, things that put your name in the history books and on the map.
I still have those desires. Yet, becoming a Mom has forced me to look at things differently. Now, my days consist of making sure teeth get brushed twice a day, laundry is (mostly) done and that dinner is ready. My skills are now focused on mediating who gets to watch what TV show and when, and generally, making sure I don’t raise sh*tty humans.
I doubt I’ll get a library named after me for making sure my kids go to school with their hair and teeth brushed. I’m pretty sure NBC won’t be running a special on my getting-dinner-on-the-table-by-6 superpowers. And I’ve all but given up on being the first woman in the NBA (a girl can dream, can’t she?).
After all, I’m just a mom, right?
This biggest thing that I have been moving through (battling against is more honest) is this: do I have to be just a mom? Can I be other things too? Am I selfish if I ever think of myself? In fact, can I let go of the guilt whenever I do think of myself?
Being a mom is the biggest learning experience of my life. It has shown me the highest highs and the lowest lows. It has shaken me to my very core and expanded me in ways I never imagined possible. In fact, of all the “titles” I’ve had before, MOM has taught me the most.
This week, I stepped onto a path that is new. Perhaps it was motivated by the energies of this New Year or a sheer desire to remember who I am in spite of, or in addition to, being a mom. This week, I consciously made the choice to put my kids in Pre-K five mornings a week AND consciously chose to schedule at least two self-care mornings a month. Those mornings are all about ME. (Dare I say it?) Not dishes, not laundry, not what to make for lunch or dinner. ME. I feel nauseous thinking about it and I know I’m going to be moving through a lot of guilt and shame and elation and joy and courage as I take my kids to school every morning this week.
Today, I remember that I am a daughter, a sister, a friend. I remember that I am a student, a wife and a lawyer. I remember that I am an entrepreneur and an author. I remember that I am creative and funny. I remember that I love to read and I love to nap. I remember that coffee is my favorite. I remember that even though I don’t really like to cook, I’ll do it for my family. I remember that I like nature and I love cozy afternoons by the fire. I remember that I like winter and spring and summer and fall. I remember all of this for one reason, because I’m just a mom.
To all of you “just Moms” out there, you are my inspiration and my fuel. Your sacrifice makes this world a better place everyday. In your own time, just like I did in mine, you’ll see that you can remember ALL of who you are and you can gently and tumultuously reclaim it all.