As I sit here, I hold back tears. I’m panicking. Panicking that my business, as I know it, is going to disappear. Adding to my panic, I’m seeing every single penny I have invested in myself, in my business, add up and become an insurmountable mountain. Then I think, “So what if I have to throw away my website?” “So what if I have to start anew?”
It’s all in the experience. It’s not about the end result. It’s all about the experience. The experience of growing, of evolving, of expanding, of experiencing.
. . .
See, I love to write. The more I experience, the more I have to write about. Experiences take up time. Time seems to be an ever precious commodity these days. When I have more time, I seem to experience less. And, as result, I write less.
I’m on the verge of tears. I hold them back, but they come. I’m scared. Overwhelmed. This mountain of debt I’ve created (and happily because, finally, this time I NAILED IT in the career department) is threatening to break me in two.
. . .
Like a ray of sun through a cloud of gray, I hear my Soul speak. She says: “Don’t be afraid. Through pain comes growth. It’s ok.”
See, my Soul knows that I will look back on this time in my life, one day, in the future, and know that it was all perfect. I’ll know that it was all divine. I’ll know that it was meant to be.
But . . . why wait for someday?
This. This. This. It is all about learning to be. To be in the present. It’s not at all about numbers or dollars, no, not at all. It’s all about learning who I am, what I desire, what I am meant to do. Is it painful? Yes. Is it worth it? I don’t know yet.
It’s all in the experience because end points (results) don’t exist. Once that “result” is achieved, we quickly create another result to aim for and forget about all the angst and anxiety brought on by the preceding “result”.
But . . . what we never lose is the experience. We never forget the connections, the love, the emotions. We lose the specific results because in the end, they don’t matter, they don’t exist. But the experience? That always exists.
Let the results go. Let them go. Let go.
And, keep swimming little fish. Keep. Swimming.