I don’t have the Money

There was a time in my life when I earned a yearly salary of $120,000 per year. I’m not bragging, I’m simply stating a fact. Money abounded.

While I was earning a salary of $120,000, I was not married, I lived alone, and aside from rent, food, and student loans, the rest of my nearly $6,000 a month in net pay was mine to with whatever I pleased. Yet, I spoke the words “I don’t have the money” more times than I can physically count.

In 2016, I was working around 16 hours per week, earning a paycheck of roughly $300 per week. I was unemployed (by choice) for about three months and earned a total yearly income of about $25,000. (I do acknowledge that I am now married, with two kids, and household expenses are mostly covered by my husband’s salary). Yet, I spoke the words “I know the money will be there” more times than I can count.

In 2016, I went on six or seven trips, including a trip to Costa Rica where my husband and I stayed at the Four Seasons Resort at Peninsula Papagayo. I joined a $13,000 Sisterhood and Mastermind and launched a business, among many other things. I tallied up my business expenses for the year and smiled (well, first I flinched a little bit) when I saw the number: $36,000.

That’s right.


Deep Breathe. It’s all ok, trust me!

I wanted to share this very vulnerable story with you because it needs to be shared. Our relationship with money is begging to be healed. How is it possible that in a year when I could have spent $36,000 on anything I wanted without loans, credit cards, or even batting an eyelash, I simply could not do it, yet, in a year when my salary did not even come close to my expenses, I could?

The answer is TRUST.

Back in 2008, I thought I had a good relationship with money. I was a good saver, I invested for retirement, and I carried zero credit card debt and earned a six figure salary. My relationship with money should have been solid. But now I see that it wasn’t. My relationship with money was like a beggar in the streets, begging for anyone to please throw me a dime or a dollar and then holding on to it as if I would never see another penny again in my life. I didn’t trust in the cycles of money enough to know that money is constantly flowing, constantly going in and out and swirling all around us. I could not see that the problem wasn’t not having money (trust me, there is so much money in this world, so much!) but not trusting that money would always be available and flowing into my life. I hoarded money like a squirrel hoards nuts in the winter.

So what changed?

How did I go from being a nut-hoarding squirrel to being comfortable spending money (and some that I don’t yet have!) in these quantities? I’ll tell you what changed: with the support and power of Sisterhood, I had the courage to start living my life in the way I desired to live it, despite the money (or lack thereof). I started exploring my relationship with money, I started asking questions like “Why didn’t I take that trip?”, “Why didn’t I buy that item?”, and dove deep into the answers. I cried in the closet, I fretted over monthly payments, and doubted this theory that money flows over and over again. I started (and didn’t finish) and started again a 40 Day Abundance Mediation. I had moments of total clarity around money and dark days of seeing only a few dollars in my bank account with bills looming in the distance, feeling nothing but despair.

I got real with money.

I also got real with myself. I started allowing myself to really desire things and experiences. I started identifying the ways that my body and soul let me know when I’m truly desiring something. And, I continued trusting. And you know what? The money appears. THE. MONEY. APPEARS. Maybe it doesn’t show up in traditional ways (you’ve inherited $50,000 cash!) but it does show up.  I’ve really opened my eyes up to the infinite number of ways that money shows up in our lives (hello balance transfers on credit cards!).

The money appears when I surrender to my desires. Sure, it may be a credit card that opens up that money for me in that moment, but it appears nonetheless. It appears so that I can allow myself to experience these gorgeous opportunities that will only serve to move me forward. And to that I say THANK YOU.

Listen, I have at least one foot on the ground. I’m not an advocate of running up credit card debt on things that you don’t need or want. I’m not an advocate of spending money you don’t have, sitting back, and hoping and wishing that it magically all be paid off. No sir. No way. BUT, I am an advocate of seeing possibility. I’m an advocate of trusting that money comes in many shapes and sizes, I’m an advocate of being resourceful when you are in need of resources. I’m an advocate of trust.

What is your money story? How can you begin to heal it? How can I help you?

If you are interested in learning more about how we can work together, please visit my website. I am very much looking forward to hearing from you!