Waiting For The Answer

As I was typing out the title, I realized that it has a double meaning. That is, we wait for the answer that comes from within and we wait for the answer that comes from outside.

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It seems as though applying for jobs is a big waiting game. Last December, I found a job positing that is totally up my alley. It is at a University and would allow me to use my immigration skills as well as my people skills. It could include some international travel and even gives the option of summers off!

I debated even applying. Why? Because I have young children. Because I’m trying to grow my business (and you can’t possibly have a job and be an entrepreneur, can you?). Because I haven’t had a traditional 9-5 job in two years. Because … because … because.

Then, I waited for the answer.

Waiting for the answer looked like bringing out my Angel Cards and pulling card after card. It looked like opening my own Akashic Records and asking for a solution. It looked like journaling until my truest desires come through. It looked like calling my Aunt for advice (“you can’t get on base if you never get up to bat!”) and my Mom (“this looks like a great position for you! the kids will be fine!”).

At the end of the day, the answer came and it said “just try”.

I put my personality into my cover letter. Sometimes we hear that cover letters have to follow a certain format and most are pretty generic. I figured if I am meant to have this job they are going to know who I am right off the bat. I said a little prayer and then, I hit send.

Then, I waited for the answer.

I have a very active mind. I had already posited just about every single scenario out there before even typing up the cover letter. Of course, upon hitting send, my mind went into overdrive about how wonderful and terrible getting the job would be. I totally skipped over the interview part! I applied! The job is mine! We all know that’s not how it works, but in my mind, it does. :) Yet, I’ve experienced this roller-coaster ride before and it seems to be par for the course when applying to jobs.

After the excitement of applying wore off (like 2 hours later) I started to feel guilty. Cue the monkey mind: Should I get a job? How will we handle the kids? Is it fair to the kids for me to work? What if I don’t work? Will I earn enough money in my business? Who will do the laundry, the grocery shopping? What if I did all this work to apply and I don’t get an interview? And on and on.

I know myself well-enough to know that this is my process. In order to get any answer, I must consider all avenues, options and possibilities. So, instead of fighting myself, I simply let my mind go. I let it race and jump around from possibility to possibility. I ride the emotional wave and I come out the other end tired and with an answer.

The holidays came and went, and truth-be-told, I totally forgot about this application. At some point I decided I wasn’t going to get an interview so I just let it go.

A month later, I received a call from an unknown number and I also had a voicemail. It was the University calling to share some additional information about the position and to set up an interview. I was very surprised, to say the least. I called back and set up the interview.

Then, I waited for the answer.

Applying for jobs is tedious. It is emotional and energetically draining. You find a job you actually want to apply to (yay!) and then you apply and then you wait. You get an interview (yay!) or you don’t (boo!) or you hear nothing (double boo!). And then you wait. You interview really well (yay!) and then you get the job (yay?) or you don’t (boo?) or you hear nothing (triple boo!). And on it goes.

This week has been one of big changes for me. I placed my kids in Pre-K five mornings a week so I could have a little more time and space for myself, my home and my business. I received an invitation to interview for a neat position which triggered a big emotional wave that I’ve been riding for the last four days. I’ve been thinking about how the rest of my year will look *if* I get a job offer and *if* I don’t.

So here I am. I’m giving it all I’ve got and I’m also letting go. I’ll write more about the process of wanting something with all your might and also letting it go in another post. But for now, I’m just

waiting for the answer.