I have been experiencing acute stress for the past few days.

“Stress is the natural reaction your body has when changes or challenges occur. It can result in many different physical, emotional and behavioral responses.” Cleveland Clinic

The definition above reflects exactly how my stress transpired. A change occurred and my body naturally reacted with physical, emotional, and behavioral responses.

The change: I dropped both my kids off at a 4-night sleepaway camp on Sunday afternoon. This is the first time that I have been home and they have been away for this long with no communication, ever.

At first, the change was welcome. My husband and I went out to dinner and were able to have a conversation without many interruptions. IYKYK, right? The next morning, I felt ungrounded. I didn’t have the same routines to follow; no kids to wake up, no breakfasts to make, no camp drop offs to accomplish. It really shook me. And, it had me projecting many years into the future, worried about how my life would look once the kids are grown and on their own.

The reactions: My response to this change was physical, emotional and behavioral. Physically, I experienced (and still am) a tense neck and shoulders, dizziness, inability to focus, and more. Emotionally I am experiencing anxiety (lots of it!), sadness, anger, and frustration. Behaviorally (I had to look up what this looks like) I have been irritable, prone to anger outbursts, unable to relax, and having trouble returning to my more healthy eating habits. The article cited above shares a fourth reaction: cognitive. I too have been experiencing these effects: poor concentration, memory impairement, etc.

I also impulse bought a mobility program online…

Phew. Stress sure is something.

The overflow: Although the change that occurred happened in my home life, the stress response has overflowed into other areas of my life, particularly work. I had the realization this morning (as I was journaling) that since my kids are being cared for elsewhere, the focus of my time and mental energy was exclusively on work. The details aren’t important, but trust me when I say I have been feeling and exhbiting the reactions to stress at work.

I snapped: After a particularly frustrating experience yesterday, I was quick to react. I then, mostly out of sheer frustration, realized I needed to walk away. And walk away I did, for a whole hour. I huffed out of the house and just walked as tears streamed down my face.

And yes, I did pick up someone’s trash, as well.

The science: The stress had compounded in a way that caused me to lose the ability to reason. My body reacted naturally by hijacking my amygdala and causing me to go into fight-or-flight mode. “The amygdala is part of the limbic system which regulates emotional and behavioral responses.” (Source)

The other part of this equation are the frontal lobes. The frontal lobes are two large areas located in the front of the brain. (Source) “This area of the brain regulates voluntary actions like reasoning, thinking, movement, decision-making, and planning. It is more rational than the amygdala.” (Source)

When threatened, the amygdala may jump in, or “hijack” your frontal lobes and go into fight-or-flight mode because it wants to keep you safe. For example, if a lion was coming to attack you, the amygdala would kick in and help you either fight the lion or run from it. If it didn’t, your frontal lobes may be focused on reasoning through the deadly scenario, costing you precious, life-saving moments. These days, though, most of us are not experiencing that type of physical threat, but our brains still process threats as if we are.

“The amygdala hijack occurs when your amygdala responds to stress and disables your frontal lobes. That activates the fight-or-flight response and disables rational, reasoned responses. In other words, the amygdala “hijacks” control of your brain and your responses.” – Healthline

Additionally, “an amygdala hijack may lead to inappropriate or irrational behavior. After an amygdala hijack, you may experience other symptoms like embarrassment and regret.” (Source) And that’s exactly how I felt after overreacting to a trigger at work. And, when we start the shame spiral, our stress levels can continue to increase which keeps us in that state of hyper vigilance, unable to restore to our natural baseline levels of neutrality.

Note: If you want to learn more about the effects of shame on our lives, I highly encourage you to explore the work of Dr. Brene Brown.

Now what? Today (Wednesday) I am starting to feel a little better and I wanted to share what is helping me as I move through what I am feeling.

1. Acknowledge it: The more we push down or deny how we are feeling the worse it feels. Learn to acknowledge it. Use mindfulness as a way to understand how you are feeling. You can say something to yourself like “I am really frustrated right now” or I am really sad right now” and allow it to just be. Additionally, that acute stressor can turn into an ongoing stressor if left ignored. Acknowledging it can help give it space to be what it needs to be.
2. Move it: Move. Literally. Get up and change the space you are in. Go for a walk if you can. Do some jumping jacks. Turn the energy of anger, frustration, sadness, etc. into something else. Also, you tend to walk farther when you are upset. ; ) Movement helps the body reorient and can “reactivate the thinking part of the brain,” i.e. those frontal lobes that allow us to think and process more rationally and reasonably (Source). For me, going for a walk allowed me to cry (which releases endorphins and helps you feel better) and process the emotions while, in this case, surrounded by nature, which can be very soothing.
3. Write it Down: Journaling works. A blank page is an invitation to let it all out. It is a safe space to explore all the things you are feeling and experiencing, and a great way to get to the heart of what is truly bothering you. For me, what started as a work trigger led to the discovery that I really miss my kids, that time feels like it is flying by, and that some day they will be out of the house and I won’t have these moments with them in the same way. Once I realized what was really going on, I was (and am) more able to let those feelings come to the surface and do what they need to do.
4. Lean on what’s true: Someone recently asked me this question as we were talking about some things that I’ve been frustrated with: “What do you know to be true?” Once I was operating more from my frontal lobe, I was able to remember this question and ask myself it over and over again. This could also be a great journaling prompt if you are struggling with getting words down on a page. What is true: My kids are safe and well-cared for. I can miss them AND enjoy my time without them. I am safe to feel sad and frustrated. I am doing a good job at work. It’s ok to have a slow day at work. And so on. Think about, or better yet, write down as many truths as possible until you start to feel your stress responses soften.
5. It will pass: This too, shall pass. Usually, most things get better or at least feel less gripping, the more time passes. For me, though, the bigger question is how do I want to feel as the time passes? I constantly want to grow through what I go through so I can move through things with more ease and grace in the future. So while I could just grin and bear it and eventually it will feel less awful, I’d rather lean on things that I know help me so I can process and be with the thing, and then move on.

Last words: Stress is real. The effects of stress are real.

If ignored, those stress responses could lead to adverse health reactions. (Source) Plus, life doesn’t feel as hopeful or fun or peaceful if we are wound up tightly into a big ball of harmful stress.

Also, sometimes things are far worse in our minds than they are in reality. Trust me, I am an expert in that space.

We all will respond differently to a change or challenge in life and we all will have different ways to help us cope with those responses. I hope that what I’ve shared today will give you some language and tools to try in the event you find yourself spiraling. While I am not a medical provider nor can I diagnose or treat your specific health issues, I am a human who has experienced and studied the effects of stress on the body and the mind. If you feel like you need appropriate medical support to help you navigate what you are feeling, please reach out to someone.

Wishing you more wisdom so you can move through stress with more grace.

In awe of you,

Gabriela

Afterword: You might notice that I did not mention meditation above. Here’s why: unless you already have a foundation in meditating, I think trying to meditate while experiencing a heightened state of stress could feel even more frustrating. If you do have an established meditation practice, then leaning into it during this time would most likely help. What can help, though, is remembering this truth: BREATHE. (Source) Focus on one breath. When that one is complete, focus on the next. Breathing is scientifically proven to soothe your fight-or-flight response, activating your parasympathetic nervous system, and helping you down from the high alert “red zone” into a more neutral “green zone”.

Photo by Carlos de Miguel on Unsplash